In the era of relationship goals and social media we often get bombarded with a projection of couples living their best lives, showering each other with gifts, love and affection. We often overindulge watching this because us humans tend to love things that aren’t always good for us. As beautiful as that may be, many are left feeling helpless when trying to find “the one” with sometimes unrealistic expectations stemming from social media.
If one thing I have learned from social media is that people only post the best versions of themselves on the timeline. Although it may seem beautiful to daydream for the day you too are showered with gifts and love, but are you really ready to commit to the work and effort it takes?
Get Real With Yourself
For me, I always find it helpful to define what I want for myself and my future before even thinking about someone else. Self-assess and spend time getting to know yourself and define how you want your future to look like. What are things you lack and how can you improve? Outside of a relationship, what kind of person are you? In a relationship, what kind of partner are you? What baggage are you holding onto? How does that affect your ability to love and be loved? How do you communicate when things get ugly?
Relationships take work, constant work from both parties. This is what social media doesn’t show, the ugly and uncomfortable. If you’re only in it for the infatuation of gifts and outpour of attention, you may want to rethink being in a relationship right now. Before you make the decision of committing to someone you need to ask yourself:
Do I just feel lonely or bored?
Do I really know myself enough?
Are you ready to do the work?
Do you feel pressured by anyone?
Do you feel emotionally ready?
The answers to these questions will surprise you. Maybe you discover that you are ready even when you thought you weren’t or that maybe you still need time to learn yourself. No matter what you discover, know that even if it’s not happening now it doesn’t mean it will never happen. You may be closer and it’s better to be certain of any decision you take.
Are You Ever Completely Ready?
No one is ever completely “ready” to fall in love. It just happens. Some of the best relationships come out when you least expect it. Sometimes it’s when you feel the least “ready”. You can have a checklist of things you want from a partner, but often that list won't be completely checked off. Relationships are a risk everyone takes. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and that’s okay! When two imperfect people come together it’s silly to think perfection will come from it. It will always be two people willing to put the work and effort in. Unfortunately, no checklist or quiz will ever save us from the wrong person, but it can definitely help weed out what isn’t healthy or best for you.
Whether you’ve had bad experiences with relationships, know that you are worthy of love and being loved. The person for you may come into your life unexpectedly and it will be as never before. Allow yourself to let it happen and who knows, it could be the start to a new beginning.
Listen to our #RelationshipGoals podcast episode on The Lounge as we discuss all things red flags, relationships and social media.